In March, the world stopped. And I (and everyone) was forced into a season of life I am not very familiar with: a slow life. And as much as this pandemic has wrecked our lives this year, I am confident it wasn’t all suffering.

It has taught me that it’s ok to step out of the hustle and and bustle and breathe.

But as we have learned how to “keep on keeping on” in this new way of life, with face masks, social distancing, and small gatherings, our lives are picking back up and we need to be aware that “the hustle” is after us…

And if we’re not careful, it will chase us right into the next yes, and the next, and the next… until we resent the people and commitments we feel “called to” and are passionate about.

CONFESSION: I am a guilty runner and have worn the soul right out of my heart.

I’ve been a dreamer and a “should” chaser all my life. I am the yes queen, the mad Martha (Luke 10:40), the email checker in church (yes, I’m guilty). My mind is always telling me to do this, do that, make your mama proud, work hard, pay your bills, tell your neighbor about Jesus, be a good example and a leader, and make a difference in the world.

After 23 years of hustling… I cracked.

Depression. Resentment. Tears (lots and lots of tears). Why God?? Why do I feel so angry, sad, depressed, and resent it all? You said to go and I went. This is my “calling,” isn’t it? This is what you want from me, right!? RIGHT!?

Wrong.

All he wants from me is ME.

And I’m telling you right now—all he wants from you is YOU.

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:38-42

Have you cracked? Are you beginning to resent the things you felt the Lord calling you to? Are you Martha standing in the kitchen, tired and angry?

After many mental break downs (too many to count), I found my heart clinging to the hustle but craving the slow. Something needed to change.

As Lisa Terkeurst in her book, The Best Yes:

“If I want things about my life to change … it won’t happen just by trying harder or dreaming more or even working myself to death. I have to change my approach…”

And that approach starts with turning our hearts from the lie whispering “Hustle harder” to God’s truth saying “few things are needed—or indeed only one.”

In turning your heart, I found 2 major things have to die. I use the word “die” instead of “change” because it truly feels like a death. And with death, it’s hard and you must grieve.

[The first death: the “should.”]

Step out of the mentality of thinking you “should” be doing this or that. I “should” lead a small group, serve on the welcome committee, and minister to high school students, and make time for coffee dates everyday. And I “should” be doing more for my family and friends. Oh and I “should” be opening my home and hosting more often. Everyone else seems to be loving their job, so I “should” suck it up and enjoy mine. This has always been the dream, so I “should” go after it.

Do you hear it? Do you hear how crazy that sounds? If you don’t, then it might be a sign you are deep in the hustle and something needs to change.

“Should” is the devil and “should” is a lie.

It is not wrong to serve, go after dreams, and step into things we feel called to. We ARE called to things. These are not bad things. They are not wrong. They are not the problem.

The problem surfaces when “the call” becomes greater than the one who’s calling.

What is calling you to those “shoulds”? Is it you or Him?

That brings us to the second death… get ready because it’s going to hurt.

[The second death: your pride.]

I feel this is the most painful one to die to because we have to admit our weakness, admit where we’ve put our identities and admit our role in the big picture. We need help. We need Him.

TRUTH: You are not God. I am not God. We do not have the power to fix things or people. We can not change the world.

Sit down, be humble. Ouch. I warned you it would hurt.

The problem is not only that “the call” has become more important than the one who is calling. The problem is also that “the call” has become OUR call instead of HIS call.

Why are you doing the things you are doing? Is you identity in the task or in Him? And is it for your glory or His?

I don’t write this to shame you. I write these this to free you. Because when you die to your “shoulds” and your pride and come to the feet of Jesus, you will find the freedom your heart is longing for.

It’s not an easy battle. But we either turn around and face it or we just keep hustling our hearts into resentment.

As I slow down and humble myself before the Lord and rest in his grace, my passions and callings have become life giving to me again.

Are you ready to put down the hustle and embark on the journey towards slow?